You know your child’s favorite stuffed animal. You’ve probably been introduced to his or her imaginary friend. But do you know your child’s avatar?

An avatar is a virtual representation of a person. It may be a little two dimensional graphic that pops up whenever a child sends a text or posts a message. Or it may be a fully formed animated character that a child creates as part of a game or online environment. Your child may not call these characters “avatars.” That word is actually a Hindu term for the physical incarnation of a deity such as Vishnu. It’s also been adopted by gamers as well as researchers who are taking an avid interest in what effect these virtual incarnations have on their owners.

Parents should also take an interest in avatars especially the ones children create in virtual worlds. There are now dozens of these worlds specifically designed for kids. (A list including age ranges is available at http:/​/​www.virtualworldsmanagement.com/​2008/​youthworlds0808.html) Newer video games are also likely to include avatars. Wii, for example, encourages players to created Mii’s by making choices about things like hair color and eyebrows.

As kids graduate to more complicated virtual environments, they make more sophisticated choices about how they will appear to other participants. This can be an intoxicating experience for pre-teens and teens who are trying to come to grips with their very real bodies in the offline world. In a study of teenagers done earlier this year by OTX Research, only 68% were happy with their looks, but 78% were happy with how they appeared online.

The interesting question is how these virtual representations might change the way kids think about themselves in real life. Researchers at the Virtual Human Interaction Lab at Stanford University have been investigating that question. In their specially designed lab, they assign people specific avatars to see how their behaviors and attitudes change. They have found, for example, that having an attractive avatar made people just a little more confident in social interactions both onscreen and in real life. Having a taller avatar made them just a little more aggressive. As researcher Nick Yee puts it, avatars are usually perceived as something of our own choosing…[yet] our avatars also come to influence our behavior and interactions with others.”

In childhood, when identity is still fluid, avatars are only one of many factors that contribute to formation of a stable sense of self. It may be too early for parents to make “rules” because we don’t know enough about their impact on imagination, much less behavior. Still, it’s perfectly reasonable for parents to show curiosity and, on occasion, express concern about how children are interacting with these virtual versions of themselves. If nothing else, parents can ask questions that will help children think more clearly about what choices they are making and why. Here are some areas that deserve conversation.

Boys and Girls. Back in the day, it seemed as though virtual worlds might be a place where people could operate without the rules that govern male and female behavior in the real world. Things haven’t exactly worked out that way. In many virtual worlds, characters take on very exaggerated sexual characteristics. Females have the most improbable proportions and often wear skimpy or provocative clothing. Males have equally improbable muscles and often carry enormous weapons.

At the very least, parents can point out how silly these images are. You can also talk about why people assume boys and girls should look or behave in certain ways. Creating an avatar of the opposite sex (or trying to create a neutral avatar) can also be an eye-opening experience for young people. One young man found that people were nicer to “him” when his avatar was female—they gave him things and offered to help him play the game—but they also pestered him to flirt with them.

Stereotypes and Empathy. It’s not surprising that most kids create avatars that are more attractive and powerful than they are. On the other hand, this artificial “perfection” can perpetuate stereotypes that make it harder for people to deal with the differences that are inevitable in real life. Some games, for example, don’t offer skin colors that reflect genuine human diversity, and they never include avatars that are sick or disabled. Some adults are starting to protest this kind of virtual conformity. In Second Life, for example, the “Ugly Avatars” group makes a deliberate attempt to create more complicated avatars that weren’t superficially “beautiful people.”

Creating imperfect avatars may actually be an opportunity to cultivate empathy. The Stanford researchers found, for example, that when they gave students an elderly avatar, their attitudes toward older people became more compassionate. When they gave white students a black avatar, they became less anxious about racial differences. Talk to kids about how participating in a virtual world would be different if their avatar wore different clothes, belonged to a different ethnic group or had a disability. In some games and virtual worlds, children can adopt avatars that are animals or robots. How does that change the way other participants interact with them?

Consuming and Cheating. For avatars in most virtual worlds and many interactive games, the goal is to acquire stuff, often by playing games and accumulating points which can be traded for everything from nifty clothes and fancy furnishings to magic potions and lethal weapons. To quote a famous bumper sticker, the person with the most toys wins--or at least has higher status. Parents might start by asking whether that’s a good way to evaluate success.

Because they want to acquire stuff faster, players often look for shortcuts, also known as “cheats.” In the real world, of course, cheating means taking unfair advantage but that’s not exactly what it means when avatars do it. One researcher put together a list of ways to cheat ranging from using Easter eggs (features included in the game that aren’t widely known) to True Cheating (stealing passwords and user names to undermine other players). This gives parents a chance to talk to kids about the difference between cheating and smart game-playing. For example, is it “cheating” to use real money to buy stuff in virtual worlds?

When you have these conversations, remember that nobody yet knows the “right” answers to any of these questions. Avatars exist at the intersection between imagination and reality, and it isn’t clear whether they should be governed by the open-ended rules of fantasy or by the golden rule of real life morality. What is clear is that parents should take an interest if only because getting to know your child’s avatar is one more way to understand your child.

Carolyn Jabs, M.A., has been writing about families and the Internet for over fifteen years. She is also the mother of three computer-savvy kids. Other Growing Up Online columns appear on her website www.growing-up-online.com.

@​ Copyright, 2008, Carolyn Jabs. All rights reserved.